I am officially letting the cat out of the bag. I suffer from a quite ungovernable fear of insects of the Blattaria order, more commonly known as cockroaches. This particular fear has been sneaking up on me over the years, since I really cannot tell at what point in time it came into being. Today, however, this fear of mine causes quite the predicament almost every day.
In the manner of phobias, it is exacerbating at an alarming pace, to the point where merely the uttering of the word used when referring to these critters makes me ill at ease, and the image of them brings me to tears. This happened only yesterday.
The development of this fear to me is perplexing, since I, as far as I can recall, have harboured a love for all insects and arachnids in general. I've many times thought to myself the only thing keeping me from becoming an entomologist is the fact that I actually find pleasure in the company of other people as well, and fascination for arthropods is not a common one I've come to understand(not that I find shrimp especially interesting).
So yesterday, after dealing with yet another rather uncomfortable situation relating to the Blattarias(a word that causes much less anxiety), I decided to put my natural curiosity to use and turn my fear into an obsession, by finding out as much about them as I possibly can. So once again, I spent the night googling. After approximately eighteen panic attacks caused by the inevitable image results for my searches, I started getting intrigued.
In other words, I am now one step closer to being healed of this affliction of mine. I find it essential that I try, seeing as how the climate is not getting any cooler and I cannot venture much further north. For motives beyond my reason, the Blattarias are also very popular in the extraordinary form of contemporary culture known as reality TV. This is why I've decided to undertake the challenge of ridding myself of this not-so-much-a-secret-anymore of mine. It is, plainly and quite simply, embarrassing and arduous. Wish me luck!
(If you catch me in the act of staring at Madagascar Hissing Cockroach in a pet shop, it is because I am admiring its way of living in close physical contact with its offspring even after they've grown up to become humongous, disgusting hissing machines themselves.)