Monday, 4 May 2009


A change of heart and head needs to be encouraged, it needs help along the way to reach its full extent. That is why I have decided to, in baby steps, rearrange my surroundings to suit my state of mind. To others the same thing goes by the name of spring cleaning. Starting today I will thoroughly purge unnecessary objects out of my (our) home.

Firstly, which is my mission for today, I will gather all the pieces of clothing I can find that I find do not reflect who I am anymore (or simply don't fit around my ever expanding anatomy). These pieces of clothing I will then sell to new, loving homes.

In the matter of clothing I noticed I now only experience repugnance when browsing various online shops. Even blogs which mainly focus on what the writer of that specific blog has worn that day - and what piece of disposable plastic he or she would like to buy next - leave me with an impounding sense of nausea. I feel so ashamed and sorry that I myself have not actively, not even introspectively, worked against this kind of mentality until now. I feel so encaged and consumed by a way of thinking that I know is not my own, but something which continuously strives to take hold of my daily life. A compulsion that is planted in my head by the images I see, the voices I hear and the things I read.

The art, magic and power of the commercial continues to fascinate me. Simultaneously, there is nothing that is more terrifying to me. I feel this is a battle I will never leave behind.

she compacted her
life into one
tiny room with kitchen
bed and roaches
in the four corners
which contained nothing
that couldn't be stolen
or left in case
she had to run
for her sanity

so she turned
with all
the introspections that nothing
not even them was meant
not to turn
and from that understanding
she gained

- Nikki Giovanni never fails to captivate.

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